Carnival

It’s ok to laugh, at least a little. After all, the whole damn thing is a joke. It’s a farce of epic proportions and a black comedy laced with schadenfreude.

I’m referring, of course, to the Republican takeover of the House of Representatives, a haphazard free-for-all that featured the most contentious speakership election in a century. We lost track of how often the word “McCarthy” accompanied the phrases “stinging defeat” and “public humiliation,” which is always a good sign for a political leader.

But at last, the GOP elected a new speaker, a guy so popular within his party that it took only 15 votes to elect him. By the way, don’t you wish you had 15 attempts to accomplish a goal? Yes, most of us would never be denied a promotion over a dozen times, because that level of incompetence would likely get us fired long before that.

If you are a mediocre white male conservative, however, you get as many chances as you want to win, until everyone just accepts that you’re the boss—at least in name.

You see, the incoming speaker of the house made so many concessions to a small contingent of lunatics that he is basically being held hostage. It's almost like appeasing fascists makes them bolder. 

By the way, nothing says “strong leader” like groveling to idiots. These insurrectionists so thoroughly owned the negotiations that they ran out of things to ask for.

I hear the final package includes daily foot messages for every member of the Freedom Caucus. Plus, McCarthy will personally fetch their dry cleaning and let Matt Gaetz slap his face twice a week.

In truth, we don’t really know what’s in the rules package, because the GOP rushed to chisel the deal into stone before everybody could find out that Lauren Boebert is now legally allowed to fire a bazooka at anyone she deems un-American.

At one point during the voting, Republican congressmen almost came to blows, leading us once again to ponder why right-wing men are so in love with violence. Seriously, they constantly want to punch someone, shoot someone, or bomb someone—even their own allies.

With the metal detectors at the capitol mysteriously removed, it is likely just a matter of time before some GOP rep takes a shot at a fellow lawmaker. I wouldn’t be surprised if this heavily armed, easily agitated crowd turns the capitol into the OK Corral.

In any case, the GOP won the House because they convinced enough gullible voters that Republicans would tackle inflation and bring down gas prices. And sure enough, the first thing the GOP has addressed is inflation and improving the quality of life for all Americans.

Ha. No.

To the surprise of nobody with an IQ over 50, the Republicans’ top priority is making it easier for wealthy people to cheat on their taxes. The GOP is “fiercely loyal to the rich and the powerful, and they enthusiastically mislead ordinary Americans to serve those interests.” 

The GOP’s second priority is revenge—plain and simple. The Republican House will investigate Biden, his family, and probably the Biden family’s neighbor’s best friend’s dentist before they are done. They will also harass the law enforcement agencies that they claim to revere so much. And they will launch expensive, time-consuming investigations that are solely “about grievances” and serve as a cover for “folks who are already under investigation trying to protect themselves."

Oh, and they also want to decimate Social Security, but you knew that already.

Clearly, McCarthy’s “hollow victory will have economic and political consequences.”

Their approach will be based upon faux patriotism and owning the libs. It will be about gaining power for its own sake, and “to the extent that Republicans want to give the appearance of caring about governing,” they will slash and burn their way through Congress with no idea of what they are doing and no principles for doing it. This is because “the endgame now is chaos itself.”

So what are we supposed to do with this gaggle of clowns? Take them seriously?

No, the only appropriate responses are mockery or dread. 

It’s our own little circus of the damned.