The Great White North

I was unable to post last week, which always feels like a knife to the heart and a shot to the groin to me. Yeah, I don’t like missing a week.

Who is to blame for my lapsed work ethic? Well, it was those sneaky Canadians.

You see, I took a brief vacation to the Pacific Northwest, and while I was at it, I left the country for the first time in almost 20 years. My international destination was Vancouver. 

I was so busy hiking through the Canadian woods, conversing with ridiculously polite Canadians, and contemplating how much our northern neighbors love syrup (apparently, they like it a lot) that I couldn’t get to the computer.

Also, my laptop was 1,000 miles away, which is a whole other story.

So that’s my excuse.

However, I see now why so many liberals threaten to ditch America for Vancouver or Toronto. The country is beautiful, the people are friendly, and you can get just about everything there that you can get in the USA — plus even more varieties of syrup.

As one Canadian explained to me, the nation is a social democracy, which means that the government works for the people, rather than for major corporations. He then invited me to immigrate to his fair country if Trump wins the election in November.

With hope, it will not come to that. 

I do wonder, however, why so many Americans insist that we live in “the greatest nation in the world,” when that is clearly not true. I also wonder why progressives like me are pilloried for pointing out America’s shortcomings, while a certain megalomaniacal presidential candidate sees his approval rating go up every time he insists that the United States is a failing state.

Also, I wonder why so many conservatives insist that limited government is the best system, when in reality, social democracies like Canada are kicking our ass on just about every sociocultural indicator. These nations are the very antithesis of limited government, and their citizens are thriving. Related to that, if small government is so majestic, why is no other nation even remotely interested in trying it out?

I wanted to ask a Canadian about all this, but they were too busy being productive and happy and enjoying free healthcare and being polite to an absurd degree.

So I came back to America, where people chant “USA! USA!” from their trailer parks and drop dead of preventable conditions at age 39.

It’s enough to make me want to move to Vancouver.