In the Blood

I admit that I got bullied into it.

Yes, friends and relatives had raved to me about discovering their genetic heritage, but it all seemed a bit silly. As I understood it, you send your DNA sample to a lab, and a few months later, you find out that you’re 10% French and have a fourth cousin in Pennsylvania. What does one do with such knowledge?

However, after I received a DNA kit for my birthday—really, how random is that?—I went ahead and did the cheek swab. Recently, I received my test results, and they were intriguing. 

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All the Rage

Some jerk cut me off in traffic today, so I chased him at high speed until he crashed. Then I pulled him out of his car, punched him bloody, and smashed his windshield with a rock.

Well, no, that didn’t actually happen. Yes, I got cut off in traffic, which is a near-daily occurrence because I live in Los Angeles. But I didn’t chase the guy. 

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One Nation Under Misery

Here’s some good news: We Americans are officially happier than the French. A recent report that measures happiness says the USA ranks well above France with all its existentialism, ennui, and heavy smoking. 

Ok, the Parisians have a dark side, so maybe that’s not a fair comparison. Well, how do we compare to the rest of the industrialized world? To be honest, not so great.

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Once More Unto the Breach

If, for some horrific and highly implausible reason, you found yourself on the front line of a combat zone, ready to charge into battle, and you glanced over and saw me standing next to you, I doubt you would feel comforted. 

That’s because I believe in nonviolence, so I wouldn’t be there shrieking war cries and boasting how I was going to drink my enemies’ blood. I would more likely be trying to figure out how to avoid shooting myself or anybody else, and this is not the quality you want in a soldier.

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Undeniable

Just like haters are gonna hate, apologists are gonna apologize.

Well, not really. As we know, the term “apologist” refers to people who rationalize and excuse reprehensible behavior. For example, if you were a spineless toady for a scatter-brained bigot, but you still support him because you both dislike “woke” people, then you would be an apologist. In such cases, there is no actual apologizing taking place.

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