This Modern World

Like all of you, I’m obsessed with the Lisbon earthquake of 1755.

I’m constantly rushing up to strangers and saying, “Can you believe that motherfucking earthquake that leveled Portugal over 267 years ago?” 

“I know!” they say. “Damn!”

Yes, this massive temblor was 32,000 times more powerful than the atomic bomb that devastated Hiroshima. But it did even more than demolish Lisbon and kill 50,000 people. It also ushered in a new world. 

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Bring It In For a Hug

Here’s how sensitive those liberal snowflakes are. Some guy in California got offended over a definition in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. How absurd. They’re just words, you wimpy, tree-hugging…

Oh wait. It wasn’t a liberal. It was a right-wing white man. And he wasn’t so much “offended” as “screaming death threats.” Yes, the guy was furious over Merriam-Webster’s entry on gender, and in his transphobic zeal, he sent multiple intimidating messages to the publisher and said the dictionary’s creators “should be hunted down and shot."

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Taking a Break

I will be on a rare vacation and away from my computer for a little while. But I will return with regular posts soon. 

In the meantime, ask yourself the following:

“The video is horrifying, and the testimony is riveting, but will the January 6 committee’s televised hearings be enough to persuade Trump’s supporters that he is a threat to America?” 

Ha, trick question. There is nothing that can convince Trump’s most ardent fans that the man is anything less than God Jr.

So that’s another reason why I need a vacation. 

See you soon.

One Big Asylum

There are numerous disadvantages to arguing with crazy people.

It’s futile. It raises your blood pressure. And because this is America, there’s a good chance that the crazy person will shoot you.

But a frequently overlooked hazard of debating a lunatic is that, if you argue long enough, you’ll start to wonder if you’re the crazy one. Because the more the maniac digs in, the more you will call upon your rational brain and your desire to be open-minded, with the result that you’ll eventually ask yourself, “Is this guy right, and could the moon be a secret Martian base?”

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None For You

Giving your political goals a catchy nickname doesn’t always work.

Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society wasn’t so great.

The GOP’s Contract with America didn’t accomplish much (beyond getting Republicans elected, of course).

And Joe Biden’s Build Back Better Plan was briefly hailed “as the most transformational social spending package in modern American history [but] is now nothing more than an ambitious memory.” 

Yes, Americans have decided that they don’t want the government to build back anything, because that smacks of, you know, socialism. So instead of actually solving problems or investing in the country, we will continue to hurl tax dollars at billionaires and hope that they treat us nice.

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