Days to Come

“We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

— Criswell, Plan 9 From Outer Space

I have been predicting a World Series victory for my Milwaukee Brewers every year for the last decade. Clearly, my powers of prognostication are not as strong as they could be.

But you don’t have to be psychic to know that the future does not look bright for America. I’m not just talking about our crumbling institutions, vanishing freedoms, and shaky economy.

I’m talking about China, baby.

Yes, the last communist empire is getting ready to dominate the hell out of us in the coming years. Experts say “policymakers in Beijing believe they will benefit from the destruction of America’s global credibility,” and that China is “aggressively contesting the innovative sectors where the United States has long been the unquestioned leader.”

The result is that China is poised to lead the world in technology, economic strength, and sociopolitical power, leaving the USA in its dust.

But don’t you worry, the Trump administration is fighting back. For example, they are “gutting our national scientific institutions and workforce that spur US innovation.” And they are obsessing over “what teams American transgender athletes can race on, [while] China is focused on transforming its factories with AI so it can outrace all our factories.”

OK, maybe that is not so inspiring. In fact, if you were trying to throw the game and let China win, you would likely do exactly what the White House is doing.

Still, the Trump administration must have some kind of master plan to maintain America’s strength. They must possess a uniquely brilliant strategy, considering we have been told—over and over again—that they are the smartest, most competent group of patriots ever assembled. And the scourge of DEI is no longer oppressing them.

So what’s their approach to this geopolitical crisis?

No one knows.

You see, it’s unclear who is actually running this country. The Trump administration is a mishmash of morons, sociopaths, sycophants, and random dudes who just meandered in. We’re talking about people who don’t even show up for their jobs, can’t keep their conspiracy theories straight, and are woefully out of their depth. 

Nobody in the White House knows what to do, so their days are spent screaming “Illegals!” and threatening trans people. That’s it as far as insightful thinking and productive action.

This amalgamation of dullards and lunatics has prepped America for a future where the nation will be left “corrupt, stagnant, and impoverished.”

And that’s if we don’t devolve into civil war.

No, it’s not the rosiest prediction. With such a grim fate looming over us, somedays the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that this year, the Milwaukee Brewers will finally win the World Series.

You can count on that one. Trust me. 

To the Fields With the Lot of You

If you’re confident that ICE will never grab you off the street, throw you into a van, and whisk you off to some filthy basement before kicking you out of the country without so much as formal charges, well congratulations on being white, because that is the best protection against such a fate.

And even that is not 100%, because ICE is now grabbing white people as well, which is an inevitable consequence of handing unchecked power to thugs and fascists who want all the power of governmental force with none of the responsibility to actually protect anyone.

Our favorite band of homegrown authoritarians “has opened a new phase in its immigration agenda, one that goes well beyondthe mass deportation of undocumented immigrants.” They are harassing academics, grabbing citizens for looking swarthy, and “targeting legal immigrants who have expressed views that the government believes threaten national security and undermine foreign policy.”

Basically, they are going after anyone who annoys them, under the pretense of kicking hardened criminals out of the country. 

So now we have mothers getting abducted in front of their kids, masked men who refuse to show ID as they manhandle people who may or may not be undocumented, and armored vehicles rolling down city streets.

Meanwhile, whole communities feel terrorized, most Americans are aghast at what their government has become, and crops in the fields “are rotting at peak harvest time.”

But don’t worry about that last issue. You see, the opening of concentration camps in America means that, in all likelihood, undocumented people will soon be taken to these camps, where they will either toil as “slaves to government projects” or be “offered to American companies on special terms: a one-time payment to the government, for example, with no need for wages or benefits.”

In the latter case, “detained people will be offered back to the companies for which they were just working,” and their imprisonment “will be presented as a purge or a legalization for which companies should be grateful.” Indeed, our American il duce “has already said that this is the idea, calling it ‘owner responsibility.’”

If this does not bring to mind images of black slaves suffering in the fields of the antebellum South, then you have no grasp of history.

It also exposes the hypocrisy of conservatives who say they want to deport all undocumented people, but really just want them to keep doing what they’re doing, but under even more barbaric conditions, so the economy doesn’t collapse.

And if there aren’t enough undocumented people to perform this slave labor, what then? 

Hey, was that ICE agent who is rolling past your house looking at you? It was probably just your imagination.

Probably.

Jody Says Buy This Book

Let’s take a break from the real-life horror show that we are living in so we can focus on the only place that horror belongs: on the movie screen.

I’m happy to announce that my latest book is now available from DieDieBooks, an indie publisher that, in their words, creates works “about scary movies written for horror fans by horror fans who approach their work from a smart, personal, and critical perspective.”

My first nonfiction book is about that classic of horror cinema, The Amityville Horror.

The book is an analysis of the movie, complete with insights into the cultural, political, and religious significance of the 1979 film. Plus, I make some sex jokes, provide snarky observations, and really get going about the freaky scene that takes place in the Red Room.

You can order my book, as well as other works from DieDieBooks, by taking part in my publisher’s Kickstarter campaign.

The book was a blast to write, and I hope you like it. 

Thanks

Yankee Doodle Dud

It would not surprise me if Republicans replaced The Star Spangled Banner with There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute.

This annoying showtune is certainly more symbolic of the state of our nation at this point.

You see, the Big Old Ugly Fuck Off Bill (or whatever it’s called) will inevitably be the law of the land soon. And Trump’s voters are among those who will suffer the most.

I won’t go into the specifics of this monstrosity, except to note that about 17 million Americans will lose their health insurance, and our transformation into a police state will be more or less complete.

Even Republicans hate this, but they always fall in line, even if it means total disaster for the nation.

Here’s a summary of this catastrophe, which I will quote at length:

“Congress has done a lot of dumb shit over the years, but this bill—if and when it becomes law—might just be the dumbest. The whole process of passing it has been surreal and serves as a metaphor for the Trump-era Republican Party. No one is asking for it. Other than preventing a tax increase, it doesn’t achieve a single long-standing conservative policy goal. No one campaigned on these ideas, and the public is screaming that they hate the bill. It’s bad policy, worse politics—and yet Republicans march onward because Donald Trump wants a 'win.' Not a substantive win. Not even a political win. Just a win for the sake of a win. That’s the only rationale. There’s no further consideration for why this bill should be passed or what happens when it does. They do it because Trump wants it—even though he has no idea why he wants it, or what’s in it."

Here's more on what this law will do:

“As bad as you might have heard the bill is, in reality, it’s actually worse. Americans will die needlessly, millions of others will see their quality of life crater, and their children will face a future of needless suffering and diminished opportunities. Piece by piece, Republicans in Congress are chipping away at the policies and institutions that not only have defined America, but also have allowed it to become the world’s true economic powerhouse. It’s not often a great power chooses to willingly shoot itself and do untold damage to its future. But this is precisely what is happening on Capitol Hill right now.”

So this Independence Day, let’s dwell on the irony that Americans have elected a president who gleefully refers to himself as a king, admits that he wants to be a dictator, and executes autocratic orders with state-sanctioned impunity.

And now that king will deliver a crushing blow to America that no foreign country could ever manage.

Have a happy Independence Day. It may be the last one that we recognize. 

Where’s Kukulkan When You Need Him?

Yes, I went on vacation while the world burned.

Before you get too judgmental, keep in mind that I rarely take time off, and I had booked this trip months in advance. So there was no way I could have known that the same week I planned to go abroad, the administration’s Gestapo-lite thugs would lay siege to my city of LA, or that the threat of ICE detaining me at the airport would become a distinct possibility. 

Nor could have I predicted that as I snagged a margarita in a foreign land, our illustrious commander in chief would embroil us in a war for vague, ricocheting reasons that grow more disturbing and contradictory by the hour.

In short, I picked a bad week to relax.

But of course, there are no good weeks in Trump’s America, and there is never a decent time to kick back while fascists prance around our nation’s cities.

Having said that, I enjoyed my sojourn to Mexico. I hadn’t been there in 40 years, and it was good to be back.

I highly recommend the country, even though Americans have been led to believe that it is just a sepia-toned wasteland of tattooed gangsters who will murder you for pure amusement. In my experience, it is a vibrant, verdant place where Mexicans work way too hard to keep Americans happy.

On our trip, my son and I swam in the underwater cave that the Mayans believed was the entrance to the underworld, and it was impossible not to feel the weight of history and belief and nature in that beautifully spooky cavern.

The next day, while we marveled at Chichen Itza, an American family joined our tour. The family’s sullen teenagers came to life when the tour guide explained how the Mayan astronomers — sans computers or advanced telescopes — made calculations that were within seconds of our modern observations.

One teen boy turned to the other and said, “Damn, those Mayans were crazy smart.”

Indeed they were, young man. 

But now I’m back in the USA, and instead of looking at ocean waves, tourists with six-pack abs, and plates of delicious food, I look at flickering images on my computer screen of monstrosity, inhumanity, and subjugation, courtesy of a corrupt administration filled with sycophants, goons, and thugs.

Clearly, I need a vacation from all this.