Forsooth!

It’s a holiday week, so I’m taking a break, unrelated to my frantic surge to finish my manuscript before my publisher bursts through my front door, shouting, “Where the hell is it?”

No, just a holiday pause.

I will be back next week with a full post.

Until then, here is an AI-generated Shakespearean passage that I created with a random prompt:

To challenge the shadows, it doth yearn, without scope to counterattack

Deluged in confusion, verily, 'tis an abyss to be explored

At her very core, I stand, consumed by her exaggeration's might

Be honest. You thought that was really Shakespeare, didn’t you?

Enjoy the holiday, and see you next week.

Stressful Times

As opposed to many writers, I’ve never suffered from depression. I’m grateful to have avoided this killer.

So does that mean I’m a bubbly, upbeat dude who makes lemonade out of lemons and greets every day with a smile?

OK, I didn’t say that.

I don’t get sad. I get mad. 

People in my life know that I have a short temper. Many of them have told me to relax and not get so angry. 

I find this advice odd, in that you would never tell a depressed person to just cheer up. Yet my negative emotion, anger, is somehow viewed as a choice.

I’m betting before long that we will diagnose chronic fury the same way we diagnose chronic depression. We will have a pill to treat anger that costs too much and comes with devastating side effects.

Until then, more Americans like me will continue to battle high blood pressure and a propensity for tirades.

One factor that triggers rage — not just in me, but in many people — is stress. This malady is so malicious that it can change the body at a cellular level. And Americans are more stressed than ever.

A recent study found that over half of Americans suffer financial stress. Massive numbers of Americans, especially ethnic minorities, suffer from health conditions that stress their bodies. And our “unequal society contributes to people in the United States aging quicker, becoming sicker, and dying younger.”

Yes, we like to proclaim America as the land of opportunity. But in reality, it has become the land of unrelenting stress and punishing inequality.

How unequal are we? Consider that “students’ standardized test scores rise with their parents’ incomes — and disparities start years before students sit for tests.”

Also consider that the United States “continues to underperform on an annual list that ranks inclusivity as experienced by marginalized groups in countries across the globe.” Currently, the United States “ranks 118th in the world for racial inclusion.”

It doesn’t exactly make you want to shout, “USA! USA!” 

To top off this survey of our stressful nation, please note that stress can begin in the womb, accumulate through difficult childhoods, and cascade right into adulthood. So yes, a whole generation of kids are currently being set up for stressful, miserable lives.

And as a final insult, studies show that people who believe in conspiracy theories are more likely to be suffering from stress. That explains a lot about the America that we live in.

Is it any wonder that I feel so angry all the time?

The Latest Data

It’s time for another update on how my fellow Latinos are doing.

First, the good news. 

Ongoing efforts to mobilize Latino voters are paying off, and Hispanics are poised “to become a consequential voting bloc influencing contested races in the 2024 presidential election.”

So instead of leaving it to Black women to save America over and over again, perhaps we Latinos can step up for democracy this time.

Your other bit of good news is that scientists are testing new technology on immigrant workers that will “send alerts when the core body temperature rises critically or when other alarming signals indicate heat stress.” The innovation could save the lives of many Latin American immigrants, who often toil in brutal heat to keep the nation’s economy humming.

But that leads to the bad news.

You see, recent studies have shown that Latino kids in states with more anti-immigrant laws “are in poorer health.”

Yes, bigotry is lethal. The study found that Latino children living in states with more anti-immigrant laws and policies—and its “resulting inequities in access” —are more likely to suffer chronic physical health conditions and mental health issues.

On a related note, Latino kids nationwide are also being kept ignorant about their own history.

Recent research has shown that “most of the seminal events” in U.S. Latino history “are not a subject of study in high schools across the country.” The study found that “87% of key Latino topics were either not covered in U.S. history textbooks or were mentioned in just five or fewer sentences.”

And speaking of education, you will be disconcerted to discover that over half of Latino college students considered dropping out last year, which is a substantial increase since 2020 and comes “after Hispanics had made significant gains in higher education.”

As if that weren’t enough, another study has shown internecine strife among Latinos. The study says that most Latinos who struggle with Spanish say another Latino “has made them feel bad for it.” So it’s bad enough that we have white supremacists targeting us. But here is fresh proof that we can be our own worst enemy.

Take it from someone whose abuela was constantly muttering “sin verguenza” about my lack of fluency. That attitude doesn’t magically make someone bilingual. 

Well, that’s about it. As usual, the bad news seems to outweigh the good.

Oh, and one more thing. The recent surge in hate crimes, which includes spikes in antisemitism and Islamophobia, also includes a “significant increase” against Latinos.

So there’s that.

Aren’t you glad that I led off with the good news?

One More Break

OK, I’ve almost finished the manuscript for my upcoming book. But for the final push, I need to take another week off from posting to this website. This really should be the last time.

So in lieu of writing a fresh post, I have asked AI to discuss how to survive a ninja attack.

I’m sure you will find AI’s advice both intriguing and highly relevant. Here it is:

Never look a ninja directly in the eyes.  

Have at least two weapons within arms’ reach in case one gets compromised. 

Hire some professional bodyguards who can protect you from ninjas.

Learn some elite counter-assassination techniques that can help you defend yourself against ninjas.

If all else fails, you can resort to a nuclear explosion to wipe out the ninjas. However, this is a very risky and extreme option that should only be used as a last resort. 

I hope these tips will help you survive a ninja attack. Stay safe and vigilant! 

Cutting the Fat

Americans are huge. Like really big.

We all know this. In places like my home state of Wisconsin, it seems like more people are obese than not.

But we also know that help is on the way. For example, the wonder drug Ozempic has shown amazing results in helping people lose weight. 

And that’s not all it can do. Some studies imply that Ozempic can curb addictive cravings and behaviors. 

Wow, that is some pharmaceutical breakthrough. It just goes to show you how American ingenuity and hard work can…

What’s that? Ozempic isn’t an American drug?

Nope, it is made in Denmark, and it is having such a massive impact worldwide that it is reshaping that country’s economy.

Now, I have no interest in peddling Ozempic. I just find it interesting that this astonishing drug didn't come from America.

After all, we constantly hear that the reason Americans pay so much for prescriptions is because drug companies need that money to fund their research and development. In fact, Americans spend more on prescription drugs per capita than citizens in any other country.

So all that cash must be funding some life-changing meds, right? Actually, research has shown that there is “no relationship between what pharmaceutical companies spend on R&D and what they charge for new medicines.” The record profits aren’t going to the development of new drugs. They are going to the executives and the companies’ bottom lines.

And Big Pharma isn’t just rifling through American wallets. It’s also raiding the US Treasury. 

Last year, the eight biggest drug companies paid just above 2% in US taxes on a combined $110 billion in profits. Hey, Pfizer even got a tax credit.

So with all that cash, why didn’t any American drug companies invent Ozempic? This medicine wasn’t developed in our uber-capitalist free market (which is really just a rigged economic model for big corporations, with nothing “free” about it).

This drug came from semi-socialist Scandinavia, the supposed failed states of the North Atlantic that conservatives hate.

It’s almost like giving enormous corporations boatloads of money doesn’t benefit the average citizen.

But don’t worry. I’m sure the next time you desperately need medication, the heavily subsidized pharmaceutical companies of America will hand it over to you for cheap. 

And if you believe that, you must be taking some serious drugs.