She (Mostly) Blinded Me With Science

About a year before the pandemic killed millions of people and crushed our souls, a team of scientists made an historic announcement. They had succeeded in capturing the first image of a black hole, about 55 million light years away. 

Of course, right-wingers ranted how it was all faked and that black holes don’t really exist and that the scientists were liars and…

OK, that didn’t actually happen. Aside from a few Christian conservatives who think astronomy is an affront to God, nobody got offended or conspiratorial about this scientific breakthrough. And the reason is simple. A picture of a black hole didn’t threaten anyone’s political viewpoint. Therefore, it was legitimate science.

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Bring the Pain

Conservatives don’t like carrots. And it’s not just because they hate vegans, or that metaphorically, they like being thrown red meat.

No, it’s because when deciding between the carrot or the stick, conservatives will choose the stick every time. And not just for themselves, but for you and me as well. It’s stick stick stick nonstop.

For example, progressives have begged conservatives for months now to get the vaccine, appealing to their sense of reason, patriotism, and compassion for others. We have offered them money, nodded respectfully when they spewed conspiratorial nonsense, and presented heart-wrenching stories of right-wingers on their death beds who regretted their anti-vaxx stance (and there have been a lot of those guys).

Their response has been to scream in our faces, move the goal posts yet again, and chug horse medicine.

The message is clear: Being nice to conservatives doesn’t work.

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Ellis Island to East LA

Here’s a charming number for you to ponder: Over the course of American history, over 50 million people have been kicked out of this country — deported, banished, exiled, gone daddy gone. And of that 50 million, about 90% of them were not White.

Today, that percentage is closer to 100%. Latinos, Asians, Middle Easterners — you name it, we’re deporting them by the thousands. So when our beloved ex-president said that he wanted more immigrants from Norway, he was just expressing what so many Americans believe, which is that the only good immigrant is a White immigrant.

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American Hubris

Yup, Uncle Joe definitely fucked this one up.

As we all know, President Biden pulled us out of Afghanistan with the assurance that everything would be, like, totally cool once we left, and the Taliban would not take over the country and oppress the hell out of women and terrorize the populace and provide a base for religious fanatics who dream of killing nonbelievers in massive numbers. 

That just would not happen.

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All Done Being Nice

There’s an iron law in politics: Regardless of the actual reason for a crisis, Republicans will always blame immigrants.

Yes, as we all know, the GOP leaders of Florida could not unleash more death upon their state if they hired snipers to shoot at random cars on the freeway. But they deny that their disdain for vaccines and refusal to mask up has, in any way, led to the completely predictable and totally preventable surge of the delta variant that is consuming their residents.

No, according to the GOP, it is once again all those filthy Hispanics swarming across the border (and then presumably swimming across the Gulf of Mexico) that are infesting the brave patriots of Florida.

This pathetic deflection is typical of a political party that has to come up with increasingly ludicrous excuses for being so obviously, painfully, and catastrophically wrong about the coronavirus. They are furiously scrambling to come up with yet more convoluted explanations of how two plus two equals nine. We can practically hear the self-doubt and see the flop sweat.

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